i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
