A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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