Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
