im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
