would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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