I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
