This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
