My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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