census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize