I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
