we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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