well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
