I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
