It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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