She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
