sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
