she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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