4 words: hood of his car
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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