Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
