Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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