I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
