trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
