Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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