Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
