SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
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If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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