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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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