my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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