I can tuck mytits in my pants
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
