if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
