Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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