New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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