ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize