My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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