i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
