At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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