apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
