well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
