Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
