I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
