I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is it because I queefed?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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