Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
