I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
