Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
