a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
