marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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