i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
