Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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