shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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