Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
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He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Drunk is not a location!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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