You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
