I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
