It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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