i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
