took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
porn star boner night. come get it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
