4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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