Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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