So drunk its hurt
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
