he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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