My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Too much gin, very little bucket
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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