I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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