I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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