did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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