I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
