It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
