you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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