I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
