oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
