I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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