I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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