Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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