Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
