I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
