I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
